This week in our community we continued our study in one of the most practical books of the New Testament… the book of James. (Read up from last week some interesting facts about James)
This week we talked about a real Potential Pressure Point in life “How to enjoy better Relationships with our community, friends, family, neighbors and coworkers.”
James leaves no room for confusion when it comes to the rhythm that should be found in our relationship’s. If your like me this is a tough thing to look at as we are forced to look back on some real messes We’ve caused and been apart of . Many of us can see how easily we start stepping on each others toes when we don’t follow the relational rhythm that James is encouraging us to dance to. Notice it’s One Quick beat followed by 2 slow beats.
James 1:19-20
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

I hope you didn’t miss that rhythm, one quick and two slows.
Be quick to listen,
Slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
It’s quick, slow, slow. Quick, slow, slow.

There is such a need for good listening isn’t there?

The Story is told of 3 guy’s walking along a busy street downtown Chicago…
The first said, “Isn’t it windy?” The second said, “No, I think it’s Thursday”; to which the third friend replied, “So am I, let’s get something to drink.”

You ever been there? Totally missing the point of what is being said or perhaps not hearing what was actually being said at all.

Are your relationships reflecting the grace and the power of God? Because James is letting us know that IS his expectations for the lives of those who are following the way of Christ.

The Bible says we are to be quick to listen. What does it mean to be quick to listen? Why would James begin with
listening? I’ll tell you why. Because the listener, not the talker, drives the communicative process.
People these days are not looking for talkers. There are so many people attempting to figure out how to be better talkers. Can we all just say Uggh! I mean Book’s and Seminars all around Chicago are busting at the seams with this sort of information. To many times the good that can come from learning how to communicate is striped away and what is left all to often produces a blend of fast talkers and slow to no listeners. Rarely do you ever find a book about listening. You ever talked to someone that you knew was not listening?

James is saying Christ followers ought to be marked by being quick to listen. Christians be alert. Get ready for what the other person is saying. May they feel Christ love by the way we LISTEN.
Here’s a Question that I am forced to ask myself after reading this scripture. Am I eager to listen to others?

I can tell you for certain there has never been one time when I got to the end of a relational conflict and said to myself.. “you know the problem you had there is that you just listened to close at what the other person was saying”. Not one time. How many of us can relate to reviewing conflict and said How did we miss what was being said? We totally missed it. It’s simple we were not eager to listen.

How do you listen? Do you drift off when people are talking and start thinking about other things, Do you gather information just out of curiosity and not out of compassion, Or maybe just maybe you talk to people but the whole time there talking you wish you could get away from them and talk to someone more interesting, or when you talk your taking everything that someone shares with you and somehow turn it back to you and fail to rejoice with them in what they are rejoicing about or morn with them if they are morning. Or maybe you are the multi tasker and instead of giving them your full attention you carry on a conversation with someone at the same time your text messaging someone else.

Questions that beg to be asked sound like this. Am I dignifying the person that is talking to me with the amount of attention I am giving them. Am I staying present with them and involved in what they are saying? Am I treating them like God wants me to treat them? Do I treat my family with the respect they are so worthy and deserving of or Do I set at the dinner table paying more attention to my P - D - A than I do to being a D - A - D.

Do we realize how much good come out of being good listeners. According to James this is a huge - Don’t label this as merely a “Social” gospel message this is deeply Spiritual because it all has to do with people and people are the most valuable thing to God. Are you listening to the people God has in your life?

Second
Let’s look at the next thing James says. Not only do we need to be quick to listen but we also need to “be slow to speak”. It doesn’t mean that we talk really slowly and deliberately. It means we are to be strategic and thoughtful and discerning when we talk.
It means don’t be an over-talker. It means we can Talk too much.
Proverbs 10:19 (NIV), “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Proverbs 13:3 (NASB), “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”
Proverbs 17:28 (NLT), “Even fools are thought to be wise when they keep silent; when they keep their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.

So what’s the solution. Let’s get solution oreiented. If you talk to much when your in a conversation askthe one your talking to what do they think about what you’ve shared. Ask questions about their life and experiences. Don’t finish peoples sentences. Do you ever catch yourself doing that. Don’t be afraid to say I don’t know or I’ll have to get back to you on that.

While your talking make good eye contact. When your listening try to figure out what is being said and go for clarity.

You see, when we are quick to listen and slow to speak, let me tell you what happens. The person we are communicating with is affirmed. It is an affirming thing to know someone is listening to you. It’s an affirming thing to know someone is slow to speak. They are intentional and discerning by what they say. That is real affirmation. Use your words like tools of your craft. Use them wisly and use them to affirm one another.

See the progression? I hope you have checked it out now. If we are quick to listen, we start to listen with more meaning and power; if we are slow to speak, we speak discerningly and strategically, then the Bible says we will be slow to anger. Isn’t that great?
We will be slow to anger. If you have a problem just flying off the handle, or losing your temper, I guarantee that you need to go back to being quick to listen and slow to speak. If you have anger issues, you are not doing the fundamentals. Most of us read this verse this way: we are slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to anger.
Are you slow to anger?

Think about your relationship with God. He is the ultimate listener and the ultimate talker. God is also slow to get angry. We should take that relationship we have with God, as we communicate with him, and translate that into how we
communicate with others. We should mirror God’s communication skills with every single person we see.

In your marriage, are you dancing? Quick, slow, slow. Or are constantly stepping on each other’s toes? Do you come home with a phone strapped to your head more interested in the conversation on the phone or your communion with your own?

With your best friends? Quick, slow, slow.

With others? How are you dancing? Because this quick, slow, slow cadence is what relational rhythm is all about.
Advice from James on the Cost of words is to Listen Quickly… Eagerly
Slow down your speech talk less compliment more
Slow to Anger…
You may be feeling like I’m asking you to change who you are. Your just not into all the talky talk stuff. We’ll first of all I’m not asking you do do anything I’m simply sharing the word of God with you. This is what I believe 1st you got to get the vertical listening going on before we can work on the horizontal relationships. Who am I to think you’ll listen to what your Pastor is sharing with you from the word of God or to think you’ll listen to the needs of your family if your not even willing to listen to God.
See We believe not only in GOD but that we need God and more specifically we need a SAVIOR. To save me from destructive habits. Some of us after reading this blog need to simply say God I need you to save me from my destructive habits.
May we find the rythem… It’s Gods Point to the Pressure in your life.

Next week we continue looking at Discovering Gods point in the pressures of life as we continue looking at our practicle lessons from the book of James in our series dealing with “Pressure Points”.

Tags: communication, James, listening, Pressure Points, relationships

Tags: communication, James, listening, Pressure Points, relationships
Posted in Resources, Teaching Series